Funny sex stories reddit

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Any good stories? Did they have doll sex? Made my Barbies have wild amounts of sex with Simba because I didn't have any Ken dolls. “Yeah, women aren't funny” I've seen it in almost every post when there's a woman trying to do a joke. this is the sort of shit i find funny, so if anyone does this in german then let me know! i feel The story behind those movies is that they were created at a time when the Innumerous sex jokes aside, yes, my throat is bigger than it used to be. Plane Insanity A Flight Attendants Tales Of Sex Rage And Queasiness At Feet Hilarious Southwest Flight Attendant von Marty Cobb Smile High Club vor 6 Flight Attendants Reveal NSFW Stories (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories). Jul 3, - Explore R L Holt's board "Reddit funny" on Pinterest. Posted by 22 hours ago "I will upload this to my instagram story!" $ Reddit If there's anything that's almost as good as sex, it's sex memes. 28 of the. (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories). Snap Reddit People Reveal What Sexual Favors They Performed At Work To Get Ahead. Football's Funniest Refs​.

Funny sex stories reddit

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But he wanted to know if she had a friend for his friend in town. Of course, I agreed to be her wingwoman. We met up at a lounge and laughed the whole night.

But my friend wanted to head home because she had work the next morning. Initially, I was only dancing with the date I was set up with, but after a few rum punches, we were all taking turns dancing together.

We took a break and went outside to cool off. Outside, me and my original date began making out. After we stopped, I noticed his friend was just standing there.

I asked if he wanted to join and soon I started making out with my coworkers' date. I swear he was Ryan Gosling's twin, and he was wearing an army uniform hard to resist, right?

We started talking, and a couple of hours in, I was trying to fall asleep when he said I could rest my head on his lap to be more comfortable.

So I did, but a couple minutes in, I could feel he was getting hard. So I started rubbing his dick. He put a blanket over my head so nobody around us could see, but I'm nearly positive the woman on the other side of the aisle could tell what was happening, especially when I pulled down his zipper and started bobbing my head up and down.

Luckily, he came pretty quickly. We talked after the flight up until baggage claim and then never saw each other again. It was the perfect one-flight stand.

But I lost my nose ring in the Uber, and I kind of want it back We were making out on the couch, and after a while, he asked me if I wanted to go into the bedroom.

I just went with it, even though it was super weird looking at the tons of family pictures on the wall while we were getting it on. I gave my first blow job and hand job on the bed of some couple who would come back from vacation, fall into bed, and have no idea what happened in it a few days earlier.

I really hope he changed the sheets. One night we were having sex, and he just stopped in the middle of it. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just too high and tired.

Being a generous spirit, I offered to give him a blow job instead and he gladly accepted. We stopped seeing each other after that.

He said he really wanted to have sex in a fitting room, so we decided to make that happen. I was so nervous. We spent some time just walking around a J.

Crew at the mall and made up this whole story to the staff about how we were trying to find him an outfit for some special occasion.

I just wanted to unwind and see what I could get into that night. Eventually, this really cute guy and his friends came up to us while we were playing pool and the guy started chatting me up.

I was interested, but he refused to tell me his name, which was a little suspicious. We were making out, and I was ready to go to his place that night to hook up.

But for some reason, he started acting really sketchy. That's when he pulled out a bag of what I think was cocaine, told us he was a dealer, and asked if we wanted to do some.

I seriously dodged a bullet that night. And while my boyfriend was driving on the highway, I unzipped his pants and started to give him a blow job.

All was well and good until he started swerving a bit. I guess he couldn't concentrate. That's when he noticed a cop car trailing behind us.

He told me the car was coming next to ours, so I kept my head down, dick still in mouth, until the coast was clear. When I came up for air, we were both cracking up laughing.

There had been plenty of times in the past when she got drunk and started making out with me or whoever was around , and her hubby-to-be never cared.

I stopped because I was entirely confused, and then they told me that I was their top choice to have a threesome with. And since he wouldn't be around, he wanted me to give him the grand NYC tour.

I actually ended up have a great time with the guy, and one night after a few drinks, he came over and we hooked up. I never talked to him again, but that photo will one day be framed in black and white on my wall.

I went over one night while I was kind of sick and had a cough, but I was horny so I didn't care. He was a doctor, anyway, right?

I was certain he'd have some cold meds at has place. After we had sex, I was ready to go to sleep and asked if he had some Robitussin or something.

This man's medicine cabinet was empty, and I was up all night coughing while he was passed TF out. As the trailers started rolling, he started making out with me.

But I actually wanted to watch this movie, so I told him to chill until after. Movie ends and we head back to his car. He drives to a more secluded area in the parking lot.

And obviously things start happening. He fingers me and then I went down on him. We're both about to move on to full-on sex when he screams.

I pop my head up to see a creepy man outside our car in a trench coat. While I'm laughing my head off, my date jumped over me to the driver's seat and shifted the engine from park to drive.

My body flew to the back of the seat—hitting my head hard, tits flailing. It was not good. Needless to say, we did not finish having sex.

He was too scared the bad man in the trench coat would return. He was popular and whatever, but he had a girlfriend. He told me she was awful and treated him badly.

I was young, naive, and believed him. So one night, I was at his apartment in bed together and things had just started heating up when we heard a knock on the door.

It was his girlfriend banging on the bedroom door. She must have had a key, which made me feel even worse. But I had to keep silent for about 10 minutes while he yelled from behind the door that he was not letting her in.

I was mortified. So I got in line and bought one for my walk of shame. We hooked up in the car in front of an abandoned house in my neighborhood and put our fancy clothes back on.

When we walked in the door, my dad was sitting on the couch waiting for us to come home. After recapping the night, he noticed a few white stains on my boyfriend's pants.

He asked what it was, and I quickly said ice cream. I was sweating through my dress as my dad stared my date down before finally saying, 'Well, must have been good.

He started saying stuff about how he wanted to marry me and bring me back to Texas, where he was from, and kept calling me his African queen.

Still naked, we jump to the window. From our second floor room, we can see two or three police cars streaming into the parking lot. We watch, frozen, as the cops exit their vehicles and barge in to a first floor room below us.

After another hour or so, they all left. We left shortly thereafter. I figured I just had to be gay. I followed them up with some awkward kind of grunting.

Then, after we shared a post-sex kiss. I told her I was going to go outside and have a smoke. So I go outside and stand there, pretending to inhale, contemplating what life will be like as a gay man.

I eventually shuffle back into my room, and we fall asleep together. The next morning, in the light, I look at the floor and see the condom wrapper.

It was a triple-thick desensitizing lubricated condom for guys with stamina problems. Her brother walked in, she grabbed the blanket to cover herself up and quickly jumped off of me, and for some reason I quickly grabbed my phone and pretended I was texting.

After rolling off, we saw blood everywhere. And with this horrified look on her face she shook her head no. I went into the bathroom and checked myself out.

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Luckily, he came pretty quickly. We talked after the flight up until baggage claim and then never saw each other again. It was the perfect one-flight stand.

But I lost my nose ring in the Uber, and I kind of want it back We were making out on the couch, and after a while, he asked me if I wanted to go into the bedroom.

I just went with it, even though it was super weird looking at the tons of family pictures on the wall while we were getting it on.

I gave my first blow job and hand job on the bed of some couple who would come back from vacation, fall into bed, and have no idea what happened in it a few days earlier.

I really hope he changed the sheets. One night we were having sex, and he just stopped in the middle of it. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just too high and tired.

Being a generous spirit, I offered to give him a blow job instead and he gladly accepted. We stopped seeing each other after that.

He said he really wanted to have sex in a fitting room, so we decided to make that happen. I was so nervous. We spent some time just walking around a J.

Crew at the mall and made up this whole story to the staff about how we were trying to find him an outfit for some special occasion.

I just wanted to unwind and see what I could get into that night. Eventually, this really cute guy and his friends came up to us while we were playing pool and the guy started chatting me up.

I was interested, but he refused to tell me his name, which was a little suspicious. We were making out, and I was ready to go to his place that night to hook up.

But for some reason, he started acting really sketchy. That's when he pulled out a bag of what I think was cocaine, told us he was a dealer, and asked if we wanted to do some.

I seriously dodged a bullet that night. And while my boyfriend was driving on the highway, I unzipped his pants and started to give him a blow job.

All was well and good until he started swerving a bit. I guess he couldn't concentrate. That's when he noticed a cop car trailing behind us.

He told me the car was coming next to ours, so I kept my head down, dick still in mouth, until the coast was clear.

When I came up for air, we were both cracking up laughing. There had been plenty of times in the past when she got drunk and started making out with me or whoever was around , and her hubby-to-be never cared.

I stopped because I was entirely confused, and then they told me that I was their top choice to have a threesome with.

And since he wouldn't be around, he wanted me to give him the grand NYC tour. I actually ended up have a great time with the guy, and one night after a few drinks, he came over and we hooked up.

I never talked to him again, but that photo will one day be framed in black and white on my wall. I went over one night while I was kind of sick and had a cough, but I was horny so I didn't care.

He was a doctor, anyway, right? I was certain he'd have some cold meds at has place. After we had sex, I was ready to go to sleep and asked if he had some Robitussin or something.

This man's medicine cabinet was empty, and I was up all night coughing while he was passed TF out. As the trailers started rolling, he started making out with me.

But I actually wanted to watch this movie, so I told him to chill until after. Movie ends and we head back to his car. He drives to a more secluded area in the parking lot.

And obviously things start happening. He fingers me and then I went down on him. We're both about to move on to full-on sex when he screams.

I pop my head up to see a creepy man outside our car in a trench coat. While I'm laughing my head off, my date jumped over me to the driver's seat and shifted the engine from park to drive.

My body flew to the back of the seat—hitting my head hard, tits flailing. It was not good. Needless to say, we did not finish having sex.

He was too scared the bad man in the trench coat would return. He was popular and whatever, but he had a girlfriend.

He told me she was awful and treated him badly. I was young, naive, and believed him. So one night, I was at his apartment in bed together and things had just started heating up when we heard a knock on the door.

It was his girlfriend banging on the bedroom door. She must have had a key, which made me feel even worse.

But I had to keep silent for about 10 minutes while he yelled from behind the door that he was not letting her in.

I was mortified. So I got in line and bought one for my walk of shame. We hooked up in the car in front of an abandoned house in my neighborhood and put our fancy clothes back on.

When we walked in the door, my dad was sitting on the couch waiting for us to come home. After recapping the night, he noticed a few white stains on my boyfriend's pants.

He asked what it was, and I quickly said ice cream. I was sweating through my dress as my dad stared my date down before finally saying, 'Well, must have been good.

He started saying stuff about how he wanted to marry me and bring me back to Texas, where he was from, and kept calling me his African queen.

It was weird and annoying. We began talking, and it turned out he was in my area. He asked me to kick it later and get tacos. We met up and got tacos, but then he started drinking and became visibly drunk.

He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and be his baby mama. When I said no, he said his cum was gold. I've never laughed harder in my life.

I left the restaurant after that and he blocked me on IG. They kind of became our thing. We decided to kick things up a notch one day with a blow job.

We knew this would be harder and less easy to achieve, but we managed. The walk from the back of that bus never felt so long. Naturally, that led to us laying out a bunch of blankets on the roof of his garage and having sex up there under the stars.

It was the middle of the night and we figured no one would be walking by in our small town, so it weirdly satisfied our public-sex kink while also being more private than our bedrooms.

We froze, and he looked around, clearly having heard something, but confused as to where it was coming from.

He shrugged and proceeded to take a pee on the side of the garage while we perched, naked, above him. He then went inside, and we got on with our night.

The next day, he informed us that he thought raccoons or some other animals were living in the roof of the garage…and we victoriously informed him that we were the animals.

On one occasion, he was on top of me and my feet were against the dash. I tried to hide in the space between the passenger seat and the dashboard on the floor and attempt to get dressed.

The police made my boyfriend get out and then peeked in to ask if I was in there consensually. They also wanted to take a look at my ID to check my age.

But it was a small town and I knew the officer. The process led to a lot of pre-cum, and once while we were doing this, he wiped it off and rubbed it on my I named a few, and she asked if I was a fan of one well-known comedian.

I said I liked what I had seen of his material, and she told me she knew him personally. She had sent him screenshots of my profile and told him we were meeting up; he had bought her lingerie for the occasion.

She wanted to head back to my place nearby to have sex and send him photos of the two of us. In disbelief that this was happening, I declined and the date ended shortly after.

The whole experience was surreal, and I was very close to being spank-bank material for a very famous and married celebrity.

One night while I was out my friends, I met this cute guy who said he was staying just a few blocks down.

He came over later that night. But we couldn't hook up in our dorm because I had five other roommates. Instead, we went to the dorm lounge and had sex.

And it was all well and good until the RA found us. We were both fined and had to have several sessions with the RA afterward. My roommates all thought it was hilarious.

We went driving all around my town, looking for a dark place to get down and dirty. We were on a dark residential street when one of a house's porch lights turned on and someone looked out the window.

We froze scared, trying to make the car stop shaking until the porch lights went back off. But when things started heated up, he pulled out his dentures.

He went from 30 to 80 in a matter of seconds and the sex appeal just completely wore off. When it came time to get busy, he unzipped his pants but gave an entire pre-sex speech before revealing his penis to me.

And when he moved his hand, I looked down and saw a dick shaped like a candy cane. I was so overwhelmed, I think I just froze.

He had to give me a tutorial on how to handle his dick. I was laughing for hours after I left. We had an amazing time, until I woke up the next morning and not only was he gone, so was everything in my wallet.

This man took all of my cash. And a few items were missing off my dresser too. We didn't exchange numbers and I never saw him again.

And just when things were getting good, we noticed someone was coming out of the water from fishing and headed our way.

We both ducked down in the backseat and waited for this man to walk by with his fishing rod, hoping that he didn't look in my completely clear windows to see two naked teens.

It was the longest two minutes of my life. Feeling embarrassed, she tried to clean it up with a bottle of spray bleach she found in my bathroom.

She ended up bleaching my carpet and bed sheets. She passed out covered in her own blood and bleach. She rented a cheap motel room for us.

Police sirens. Still naked, we jump to the window. From our second floor room, we can see two or three police cars streaming into the parking lot.

We watch, frozen, as the cops exit their vehicles and barge in to a first floor room below us. After another hour or so, they all left.

We left shortly thereafter. I figured I just had to be gay. I followed them up with some awkward kind of grunting. Then, after we shared a post-sex kiss.

I told her I was going to go outside and have a smoke. So I go outside and stand there, pretending to inhale, contemplating what life will be like as a gay man.

I eventually shuffle back into my room, and we fall asleep together. The next morning, in the light, I look at the floor and see the condom wrapper.

It was a triple-thick desensitizing lubricated condom for guys with stamina problems. Her brother walked in, she grabbed the blanket to cover herself up and quickly jumped off of me, and for some reason I quickly grabbed my phone and pretended I was texting.

After rolling off, we saw blood everywhere. And with this horrified look on her face she shook her head no. I went into the bathroom and checked myself out.

I had a little cut just below my head that was bleeding a little. I had gone limp by then, but I assume it was just flowing out when I was erect, hence the fluid sensation.

I run to the pharmacy after work and am faced with 20 different types of condoms, I just grab the normal type and try not to seem too nervous while paying.

We get to her place that night and things start getting hot, we finally strip naked and I get the condom out.

Funny Sex Stories Reddit -

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